Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
