Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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