apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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