i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
