Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
