The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
