two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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