why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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