Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
