I want to walk on stilts...naked
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
