i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
