my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
