I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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