I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
