She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
