Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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