I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize