I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
