O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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