Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm too high and old for this...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
