I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
