I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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