What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
