last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
