I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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