apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
