I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I love having hate sex.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
