I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
