actually, I'm a sock model
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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