Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
