I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize