so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
