yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
