my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
