I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
