So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Randomize
