You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
