Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize