matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
