You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
