can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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