does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
