We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize