I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
