You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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