Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
