My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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