fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
