When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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