Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
