i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
