oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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