he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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