You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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