You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize