How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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