I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
