I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
