So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
