"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Randomize
