just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
