Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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