Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
