Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
