drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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