He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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