Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
