So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
